November 4th

What do I talk about this morning? I just boarded the train and sat down in my favorite spot. I’m waiting for the train to head back into Sacramento and have pulled out my laptop to fiddle away. I haven’t been writing that much as of lately. I’ve been stressed and busy. And busy stressing about being busy. Yesterday, on the way into work, I felt as if I had some kind of focus for a possible NaNoWriMo project. I would write about my Nero. In truth I am in a good mood and honestly don’t want to reflect upon her, so I don’t. Moods and whims are not to be ignored. They can be overridden of course but never ignored. Speaking of moods, this has reminded me of a video I recently saw online.

For the most part I am a cheerful person. I’m in no way cheerful in an annoying pixie “always smiling and getting in your face kind of way” but have some sort of smile mixed with curmudgeon on my face. Yes, I’m always picturing you naked. I mean how else would I fill that stereotype quota of thinking of sex every seven seconds throughout the day? As the pixie people? That is why staple guns were invented.

It’s interesting but I can remember my moods back in grade-school and going into middle school. I was always the quiet and shy type. I would think about this or that and tended to keep to myself. Can you guess that I wasn’t popular? The nerd was strong in this one. The neighborhood kids, those damn red headed bastards, among others, did things I didn’t agree with. One kid, who I’m not going to name, enjoyed testicle torture antics which, surprisingly, I wasn’t that fond of participating in. Getting back to my narcissism here, in grade-school I was kind of withdrawn and quiet. My favorite times where when my parents would partake in discussions with their friends and I could sit behind them and listen. The wisdom I gleamed from them still serves me to this day. Sadly, my parents starting breaking up around the time I was in middle school but by then I had already started hardening into the person I was to be. For some reason, through their forthcoming wisdom, or my own Oprahness, I decided I would control my moods. I say Oprahness because of that stupid book she helped promote years later called ‘The Secret’. The sum is that this book is summary says if you perceive something it can become your reality. I never read the book but understood the jest of it.

I can admit to some truth but only in that it affects only your inner space and not the real world. You can’t ‘pray/focus’ on having your team win the world series of hockey or cure some child on faceplant with ‘likes’. The inner realist in me shivers and the stupidity within the human species. Did you get offended by my making that statement? That was your choice, now grow up.

My choice was to control myself. The nerd in me found something to focus myself upon and that was Star Trek’s Mr. Spock. I knew I wasn’t as smart as the real life person of Mr. Spock but I could at least try to emulate him. I knew I was on the right track in picking a mentor because of all the work he had done on childhood development.

That isn’t to say I don’t get pissed off or raise my voice. I still get the same wide range of emotions as everybody else but rather to say I temper everything with humor and or joy.

I can see joy in just about everything. I remember being a child on my great grandmother’s ranch and watching fire ants as they charged ouf their colony. They were intent on attacking my brother and I for some undisclosed reason that had disturbed their colony. Seeing how they sought us out and attacked us was… was… fascinating.

Now I also know that my moods are the result of biochemical reactions in the brain. They happen due to stimulus and not as a desire for something to happen, or is it? When a person learns a foreign language do they not rewire their brains to accept different stimuli and react accordingly? Can one not take the stimulus of life and choose to take it and understand it as something different? One does not become sadist or masochist without some kind of induction/training right? Yeah I know some people are probably wired to enjoy that stuff from birth but with all acquired tastes, they can be learned as well.

So for 4 easy payments of just $19.95 you too can read my new book “How to put the CON back into CONviction!”

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So at this point I would call the above punchline a good break and move along into the next topic/chapter. It’s 6:35 right now and I have only another 15 minutes before I need to get off the train. That’s not enough time to go into any kind of depth but I’m also trying to ramble and get my word count a bit higher. No I’m not officially doing NaNo but I am trying to find my writing mojo again as much of my passion has left me thanks to my job. The funny thing is even now, I still have the passion inside of me. I don’t dare do much of anything at work due to the Nero discovering and blocking out my web access.

Life is short. Smile when you fart 🙂

Yes, I have also started calling my boss Nero, as in the Roman Emperor. She is a sadist in desperate need of some introspection.

I had also started calling her vinegar but I think Nero seems more fitting. Vinegar at least has a purpose in life (cleaning toilets).

Yes, I’m just putzing along here.

6:45… and done.

NOTE TO SELF: Link the video I saw about moods to this post.