Tony E. Milf
Fifty Shady Reasons
Tony entered the smoke-filled room and even through the haze it took just a fraction of a second to spot Steve on the far side of the room.
As he made his way over he watched as Steve finished off the rest of his beer. Steve hadn’t even gotten his mug down onto the small circular bar-stool table when he called out, “Tony!”
Squinting, no thanks to the smoke, but also due to the sweat that was still rolling off of his forehead and leeching into his eyes, he forced a smile. “So this is the new hangout?”
Steve smiled back, “It is now.” Tony knew that the last bar, the flaming nipple, which was a part-time gay bar depending on the nights you went in, was where Steve had met Linda. Since breaking up with her that bar was now considered contaminated and he would never go back. The same was true with the Flamingo with Cindy and the Rose with the aptly named Flora.
Tony had known Steve since middle school. If you count all of those years this was the ninth time they had met in a bar like this after one of Tony’s breakups. If you count the times they met behind the supermarket from which they had just stolen a bottle of Jack that number would jump to thirteen.
Tony could sense something was different this time. “What’s with the smile?”
Steve gave a half grin, “I’m trying not to think like this but I keep getting the feeling I made a mistake.”
Tony felt his jaw go slack. “What the fuck? Did you break up with her?”
Steve’s half grin widened but had a sad undertone. “I was comfortable, just not happy.”
Landing his ass on the bar-stool opposite Steve, “Wow. So you pulled the plug?”
Steve’s face scrunched in some, “Did I screw up?”
Tony fumbled for words as this was not the direction he had expected this to go. He had only met Linda a few times and while he didn’t find her offensive or rude she just seemed more bland than anything. “Did she do something?” Not waiting for a reply he asked, “Did you do something stupid?”
“No, and no, unless you count breaking up with her as stupid?”
“You were with her for how long?”
“Three years.”
A waitress made her way over, a young thing shorts that on left nothing to the imagination. She looked right at Steve, “Another one?”
Flashing his interested grin, “Why thank you darling.”
Turning to Tony, “And how about you, what can I get you?”
Feeling his face starting to redden at Steve’s innuendo, “Coors?”
“Sure thing, want anything to eat? We have four pack of sliders that are half off right now.”
Nodding, “Sure.”
She gave the ‘looking for a big tip’ smile before turning and heading off back towards the bar.
Steve chuckled and Tony said as he fought back his own desire to laugh, “No, it’s too soon. Besides she is half your age.”
“So she can invite a friend to make it more even.”
Tony groaned as he couldn’t but help finding himself watching the waitress’s backside right before she went into the back. Steve chuckled again. Tony could tell he was watching the movement of his own eyes. “Hey, I am allowed to look.”
“If you didn’t I would think you were dead.”
Tony grabbed onto that thought and used it as the key he needed, “Speaking of dead, what happened this time?”
Steve’s smile flattened, “Dead seems about right.”
Steve paused Tony didn’t want to cause the conversation to veer off so he kept quiet.
“Things just weren’t what I wanted. They weren’t bad, it just wasn’t good.”
The waitress came out from the back again and Steve held his tongue. She swung by and placed the two mugs down before each of them and said, “You sliders should be ready soon.”
Tony gave a nod.
Steve took it to the next level, “I know I’m hungry for some tight little buns.”
The waitress gave a coy smile and headed towards the back once more.
Tony, not being able to hold back his opinion, said, “You know she is just working you for a bigger tip. You don’t really have a chance.”
Steve grinned, “Is that a wager?”
Tony’s spine went rigid, “No.” Forcing himself to try and relax by arching his back again Tony said, “so you were saying…”
Steve said under his breath “Uh miss. I would like to really get some thighs with this order.”
Tony’s face went red. “Steve.”
Steve burst out in another grin, “Relax she didn’t hear me.”
“One of these days-”
“Oh it works…or used to. Been a while since I played the game.”
“I was going to say somebody is going to kick your ass but having heard what you just said I can’t but help feeling even more confused than before.”
Steve reached out across the small table and slapped Tony on the shoulder, “You picked your life just as I have picked mine.”
Lowering his voice, “How often- I mean what- the ratio?”
Steve grinned, “Let me ask you this. If I told you that in order to have sex you would first have to get slapped across the face. Would you do it? Say its an even one to one ratio.”
Bringing his hand up and landing his elbow onto the table so his chin could rest in his palm, “Yeah I guess.”
“What if it was two slaps to every one sex, would you do it?”
“Yeah…”
“Five?”
“Okay, I see where this is going.”
“When it does work you don’t even remember all those slaps you got getting there.”
Lifting his head off of his arm and shaking it, “We are getting off topic here.”
“No, not really.”
“Go on.”
“With Linda, there was nothing wrong, it was just ‘blah’.”
“So you got bored?”
“I would say I was comfortable with her but I wasn’t really happy. She was good to me and as I would like to think I tried to be good to her. It’s just over the past year or so I have been starting to feel restless. I got to thinking that instead of her finding out about me doing something behind her back, which was starting to feel more and more likely to happen, I just decided to end it before it went there.”
“Oh my fucking god. You do have integrity.”
Steve reached his hand across the table and covered Tony’s mouth, “Shhh I don’t word getting out. Especially not here with little miss sliders coming back any second now.”
Tony pulled back and the conversation took a pause. This game Tony a chance to think it over and he couldn’t but help catch some of the highlights coming from the TV over the bar playing ESPN.
That segment completed and another one started and nearly finished as the waitress came back out of the back with their tray of sliders. She placed it down and asked, “Need another round of beers?” Tony waived no but Steve nodded yes. “Same thing?” Steve nodded like he wanted to get spanked.
Tony turned to face the waitress, “Please excuse my friend here, he hasn’t taken his meds for the day.”
She smiled, “Oh yeah, what are you on? I’m on __**__-a-pan and __**__-tril.”
Tony’s eyes went wide. This was the last thing he expected out of her.
Steve’s brows squished down above his eyes, “Hey I ain’t on crazy meds.”
The waitress smile looked as it had been dialed back to ‘forced.’ “We’ll let me know if I can get you anything else” and she turned to leave again.
Picking up a fry and throwing it into Tony’s face, “Wing man you are not. Hank’s a lot.”
Tony brought a finger up to the side of his head and gave a twirl, “My wife is on both of those, plus more. Trust me, let it go.”
Stuffing a fry into his own mouth, “You don’t have to shoot me down. I was trying to find myself a distraction, nothing else.”
Tony rolled his eyes. His nose had now caught the scent of the food and reached out to grab some fries.
As they ate they watched more from the TV before they knew it their fries were nearly all gone. Out from the back came the waitress once more and this time she was carrying another basket.
As she set the basket down Tony said, “Please excuse me if we have insulted you-”
She gave a big waive of her hand, “Pf-ff, you haven’t insulted me…but if you truly feel you have you are welcome to show it in your tip.” She then winked and once more her eager smile was back.
Steve then said, “You have to excuse my friend here. He is married and has kids and tends to stress out over just about everything.”
“Aw, how old are they?”
“Eight and four, girl and boy.”
“I bet you are a good daddy and are very generous and buy them all sorts of Christmas presents.”
Steve laughed and leaned in to read the waitresses name-tag.
Seeing this she turned and straightened out her back allowing her perky name to be displayed promptly.
Steve read aloud “Katelyn?”
Relaxing her spine and assuming a more natural pose, “Yep.”
“You go to the college?”
“Yep, I’m study business administration.”
Tony got in, “Good for you.”
Steve frowned at Tony, “What are you, her dad?”
Feeling ostracized, “No, I was just saying I think it’s-”
Commandeering the conversation again, “Anyway, so what time do you get off work?”
It was Katelyn’s turn to blush, “Actually in just a bit-”
“That’s great, you can sit down with us-”
“I have a test to study for. A big test. But thanks for the offer.”
“What about tomorrow night? After you ace your test? A little celebration.”
Stepping back but still facing them, “Thanks but maybe another time. Helga will be taking over for you once I’m gone. Is there anything else I can get you before I clock out?”
Steve started to say something else but Tony cut him off. “Maybe a tampon for my friends mouth?”
Steve glared at Tony who did his best to ignore the look and instead waived to Katelyn, “Thanks and have fun.”
She waived back but it was evident to Tony that she was thankful to be leaving.
Steve reached out and punched Tony in the shoulder, “Dude?”
Reaching around and rubbing with his opposite hand. “You will thank me come morning.”
Steve pulled out his wallet and withdrew a fifty and plopped it down on the table. “You got a felt pen?”
Tony reached down and pulled on up, “Mater of fact I just happen to have one.”
Steve pointed in the direction Katelyn had left, “She is the reason I broke up with Linda.” His head bobbled a bit, “Well not her specifically.”
“Yeah I got it, what are you writing?”
“My play.”
“Your what?”
“I am going to leave our little waitress a generous tip and I’m putting my phone number on it.”
“You are dreaming if you think she is going-” Just then Tony’s phone rang. Growling he reached down and pulled it out from his front pants pocket.
Steve snickered and made a whipping sound.
Waiving Steve to be quiet he slid the screen to answer it, “Yeah Hun?”
Tony listened in as his wife began a long tirade all the while rolling his eyes. “Yeah I got it, milk, banana’s and products.”
Steve snickered at the last part. “Ha ha, you got to pick up pads don’t you.”
Tony waived for Steve to be quiet as he tried to ignore his interruptions. “Oh shit is that tomorrow?”
Steve rolled his eyes, “Don’t tell me, you have to bail.”
Tony said, “Okay, forty five minutes, I swear” and then pulled the phone away and terminated the call.
“You are bailing on me.”
“I’m sorry but I forgot about my wife’s presentation tomorrow. I need to get home and get the kids into bed so she can work on it.”
Crossing his arms across his chest in breathing in deeply, “That my friend is exactly why I got my dang-lies snipped all those years ago.”
Grumbling, “Yeah well I’m not the one sitting in bar trying to forget about my ended relationship.”
“Touche.”
“Can I call you later and check in on you?”
Steve waived, “Yeah sure, do whatever you want.” He reached over to Tony’s beer. “You mind?”
Tony waived it away, “All yours.”
“Score” Steve then looked at Tony, “Unless you are going to try and prevent me from scoring with this as well?”
“Fuck you.”
“Oh I get it now. You chased her away because you wanted me all to yourself?”
Tony stood up, “You keep thinking that later tonight when you are soaping yourself alone in shower later.”
As Tony started walking away Steve called out, “Ouch. Later dick puncher.”
Waiving back to Steve, “Later clinic poster boy.”
*
The next night.
Tony is driving home as his phone rings. He touches his car’s console and the blue-tooth system syncs up and is now playing the call over his cars system. “Hello?”
Nobody says anything directly but he can hear a conversation going on in the background. He hears a woman’s voice and then he hears Steve’s. “Hey Tony you there?”
“Yeah?”
Steve then says “Hold on.” Steve can then be heard talking to the girl, “No seriously it’s the guy sitting with me at the bar last night.”
Tony reaches towards the disconnection button and yells, “Fuck you Steve!”
-End-
