MyNovels.info

I’ve been thinking of having something that is easy to find when I get around to promoting my stuff. TheWriteDave.com, while unique in itself, is more of a ranting blog type platform. I wanted something that just had information about my books that I could blurt out quickly.

…and on the 8th day of constipation, the domain was born.

I’m currently tweaking a free hosting plan to my liking and as well as trying to get the wording just right on my various works descriptions.

Fun Fun Fun 🙂

I’m downstairs and the kids are still asleep. It is nice.*

(I’ve got a fat cat trying to flop itself onto my Chromebook’s keyboard but I’m doing my best to ignore him.)

I am going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts.

The Elevator Pitch

A black robed man sprinted towards and called out as the elevator’s doors began closing, “Can you hold it please?”

Jon leaned off of the back wall of the elevator exhaling a bit louder than he had intended. He extended his arm out to break the plane of the door sensor.

The Klingon standing next to him gave a feminine chuckle and said, “Long day?”

Jon glanced at the source of the voice. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.” The doors, having registered his arm, rebounded and started opening once more.

The Klingon smiled in such a way to give glorious look at her sharp rubber teeth. “So your costume is…prehistory Terran from the early 21^st century?”

He found himself chuckling, “Yeah” as he retreated himself against the back wall just as the man he had held the door for started to enter. As the man got on Jon noticed how he had covered all of his exposed flesh in what looked like copper spray paint. As apprehension set in he couldn’t but help admit to himself that had he noticed this before he might not have held the door. Jon’s eyes went up to meet the man’s and that was when things went from strange to creepy. The look on the man’s face was one he had adorned himself back in the ninth grade when he got busted for holding up a boom box out under Jenny Durant’s window on that particularly warm spring night on April 13^th. Oh the cops were never called but he remembered the look on her parents faces and imagined that was the face he now wore. The wizard man reached into a pocket on the inside of his robe as he started laughing nervously.

The Klingon woman standing next to him apparently felt a disturbance in for the force as well for she let a shriek of her own as she swung down her PVC staff weapon downward and slapped it upon the coppery hand of the black robed wizard. His hand went downward and with it out dropped a thick manilla folder. Jon found his own stomach had dropped along with the manilla folder. Jon feared he knew exactly what was in that envelope.

It was the man’s book.

Some sick and twist part of Jon’s mind, especially after the day he had just had, wished the man had pulled a knife instead. He could deal with being mugged but having to listen to another pitch in the elevator would have been too much.

The man cried out in pain and brought his hand up to his mouth where he began sucking on the knuckle on his thumb. With bugged out eyes he mumbled out to his assailant, “Whatd yho dou the for?”

The elevator jostled as it started moving.

The man, keeping an eye on the Klingon by glancing every half second in her direction, pulled his thumb out of his mouth and reached down for his package again. He straightened himself up and held it out towards Jon. “You are Jon Dow right?”

Jon wanted to shake his head but after seeing what the poor man had just endured nodded it instead.

The wizard gave his best smile as the movement of the elevators vertical motion enhanced his already shaky grip on his package. “I thought so but wasn’t sure it really was you but I had to take a chance seeing how I came here just to find you.” His brows widened a bit. “You don’t anything like the picture on your website.”

Jon found himself admitting, “That’s kind of intentional.”

The wizard laughed again as he hovered his package closer to Jon’s face. “This is my only copy so if you could look it over tonight that would be great. I was hoping to also submit it to Jane from Do’herty publications. Who knows a bidding war might erupt between the two of you.” He snorted in excitement. “R.K. Rolling needs to step aside for the next great adventure because here I come!”

Jon smiled at the realization that the wizard had just given him an escape. “Oh well why don’t you just save it for now and submit it to Jane tomorrow. I have a headache and could really just use a night to myself so I can be ready to go again in the morning.”

The wizard lips shaped themselves into something resembling the letter ‘O’. It didn’t last long as they began shaping out what he said next, “But if you don’t read it how are you going to know what you are bidding on?” The elevator dinged that it had reached the next floor and the doors started to open.

The wizard cleared his throat as if sensing his time was coming to an end. “Its the story about a shy teenager who discovers he has the power to save the world- uh no, universe- from the forces of Steve Boweling- err.. darkness.” He started blushing “Boweling is the name of my villain. I felt having a real sounding name would give him a sense of existing in this real world and make it more ominous.” His blush faded into as a sense of strength and determination seemed to take over. “Our hero finds the help of an older mentor who-”

The people from this floor started boarding and Jon took a quick glance at the Klingon who looked to have a transfixed look about her face as if not believing what she was witnessing.

“-instrumental in helping our hero achieve the ultimate power!” He finished up with a wide grin seemingly ignorant the queer looks he was getting from those who just entered and were having to hug the walls to avoid his flailing enthusiasm.

Jon had to force himself to blink. He had survived another pitch. The wizard grin was slowly fading and Jon knew this is the point where he needed to say something that wouldn’t crush this man-boy. “Interesting pitch but I’m sorry. I’ve been fighting a migraine and its making it really hard to focus right now.”

The wizard said with a cheeky grin, “I’m my universe they outlawed migraines.”

Jon gave a quick nod, “Yes well that it makes me want to live there all the more.”

The elevator stopped once more on the next floor and a few people got out as one person outside looked like they wanted to board.

The wizard extended out his folder once more, “So you will read it? Remember I need to get it back early so-”

Jon finished his sentence for him, “Yes, so you can pass it along to Jane. Her and I have a professional rivalrous relationship you know.” Jon forced a grin. “Then again I might just keep it and never give her the chance to review it.”

The wizards face turned to one of pure horror. He pulled back his folder and moved to dart out the now closing doors.

Everyone still on board was in startled over what had just happened but soon enough they started poking fun at the absurdity to keep it light.

The elevator reached the next floor and everyone save the Klingon and Jon got off.

The doors closed again and Jon looked over at the Klingon as if to apologize to her for having to go through all that.

The look on her face told him it wasn’t over yet. She held out in her hand a thumb drive as she struggled to get her own words out of her mouth. “You are Jon Dow? My name is Sue Maryland. I wrote a Klingon romance novel and was wondering if you could…”

[the] pItlh

(Which is translated from Klingon)

Be warned there are spoilers here.

No really…I’m going to talk about the film.

Turn away if you want to remain a virgin of my twisted thoughts…

Oh wait…if you are here reading this then you are either already corrupted or are just the unluckiest fool on the internet and really need to look into buying that some of my ocean front property I have for sale in Arizona.

Okay here I go…

(Last chance to turn around)

WHAT THE F*orce did I just see?

That thing had SSOOO many plots holes it felt like a Michael B(oom)ay movie.

I mean seriously? I thought it was awesome with the death star in episode IV. I thought it was cute in episode VI with the bigger death star but it felt a bit like “fool me once, fool me twice” kind of stuff. A third flipping time? Hey how do we kill the thing? Why not use the ventral vent trick again? Sure. I mean its not like anybody remembers any of the other movies central plot points.

Han? Really? Had to give him the shaft? Okay that one I can buy into a bit more than the others.

The space slugs onboard Hans cargo barge? That had Spock outcast on ice world with young alternative universe Kirk written all over it. I know they needed a *cough* clever plot device to get Han out of the jam between two nefarious smuggler operations but come on. Is that the best you can do?

Another thing that remind me of the other franchise was the whole understanding the alien/robot where the viewer can’t. Scotty/Keenser vs Rey/BB8 anyone?

The whole R2D2 waking up near the end. Huh? What was all that about? Weak… just weak.

C3PO with the red arm dialogue? “You might not have recognized me with my red arm…” Weak…

Captain Phasma…started off bad-ass but then… weak ass wanker lowering the shields cause she “got punched.” Disgusting.

The timing of the Xwings blowing up as they attacked the StarBase UN-Thriller? They started out attacking the planet base with 20 ships and as the movie focused on them their numbers started to decline down to *just under half* as one of the resistance personal pointed out to show the level of stress being felt by all. Then once the big planet is killed off they escape with about 6 ships which means that in the first three minutes they lost over half their squad and then in the last fifteen minutes when the story was focused on Han and his explosives they only lost another three and that was during the trench run. Yes you heard me…another trench run.

SHAKING MY HEAD

Had this been a reboot I wouldn’t have minded so much of the old is new again like some unnamed director did in the other big budget space movie…who was that person? The name escapes me but it might just be all the lens flare affecting my memory.

Lens flare…SHAKING MY HEAD

Alright I think I’m done ranting for now.

FINAL SCORE: Overall I would give this thing a grade scale of “B”. I enjoyed the movie, but I also felt as if my childhood had been slightly raped. Not Jar-Jar raped, not by a long shot, but still it felt as if my expectations had been raised to such levels that to have *just* a good/decent movie to show for it isn’t enough. You can’t play with my inner child like this and not be accountable to a higher standard.

Today is Dec 23rd of 2015. Today is the day I’m cutting out from work at lunch and catching the latest Star Wars movie in glorious IMAX.

I typically skip eating breakfast and chose to eat a slightly early lunch. I don’t know why other than it just feels right to me. I don’t want to hear from the food Nazi’s about needing three square meals a day or some other bullshit. This is all a fabrication of your twisted little minds as EVIDENCE clearly shows that pre modern humans would often go for days between meals and ate whatever fruit or nut was available in-between their next protein catch. But enough of this tangent.

Today, atypically to my normal behavior, I stopped by the drive through of my local McDonalds on my way to work and ordered something to eat knowing I might have a lite lunch or skip it entirely prior to my impending entertainment experience.

So I take my food from the McPloyee and place it on the passenger seat next to me and drive off heading towards my train station. As luck would have it I made all of my lights and got to the garage without ever enduring any read lights to which touch my food.

I get out of my car and grab my items and head towards the train pickup. I get on and as I’m sitting down I notice a sign I have seen so many times before. The posting of acceptable food articles to have onboard the train. Well the decal icons show covered drinks are acceptable but all food items are prohibited.

So…I ponder why it is and come to the quick conclusion that it has to do with people leaving trash and not cleaning up after themselves. I decide I’m different and better than this and go about consuming my McBreakfast. No sooner than I start digging in that does my cell phone chime telling me I have an email. It was a Brenda, a friend of mine from our local writing group. I chomp down on my breakfast with one hand as the other is used in pecking out a response.

I happen to finish both at the same time. I’ve always been a quick eater but that isn’t really a the story here. So there I am with my now empty wrapper and bag and without thinking about it begin compacting it all into a small toss-able sphere. I glance about for a receptacle and upon not seeing any consider just dropping it onto the floor out of spit for the lack of receptacles.

A tenth of a second later another part of my mind screams “Hey idiot, you are the problem!” I feel pretty stupid in my own head right now. Humbly I take my trash wad and drop it into my messenger bag. I find my own head shaking at my own idiocy. I am the problem.

This is why I believe the human race is destined to destroy itself. We are far too selfish. As agent Smith said in the Matrix movie which I am going to badly plagiarize and mutilate here…”I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here … Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed … Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet.”

Happy Holidays Everyone 🙂

Today I’m cutting out and doing a half day at work so I can catch star wars on IMAX.

#StiffNipples

So I just got done listening to www.WritingExcuses.com episode 10.51 and after hearing Howard’s spiel about construction of the elevator pitch should include the following criteria…

Character // Conflict // Setting // Hook

Well I spend about thirty seconds using that and came up with the following…

*A super heroin wakes up with amnesia in the ruins of an airline crash only to discover that she had gone into hiding ten years earlier and now must face the repercussions of being discovered again.*

Not bad if I do say so myself.

Btw I emailed off the first chapter of my story to a couple of resources, who shall remain nameless, and am awaiting back their responses. I’m still plugging away at chapterday 2 work in all of its “naked glory”

Things can always get worse

I never got actually do and novel writing/editing yesterday at the laundromat/McHideaway aside from my blog post and constructing two emails.

I did however get some thing done on the ride into work.

Back to humility.  Things can always get worse. I am thankful for what I have.

I’m sitting in one of my favorite writing spots.

A McDonalds where I have internet connectivity and nobody knows my name. By nobody knowing my name, this also includes the small spawns I helped create that constantly badger me by uttering the same word over and over…”DADDY!”

Last weekend the cats barfed on our comforter and me, being the idiot I am, tried to shove our comforter in our washer hoping it would have enough room to clean it. I’ve tried this before and knew from past experience that it wasn’t going to work but for some reason I tried it again. I don’t know why I mentally skipped glossed over my prior lesson. It might have been that it was late and I just wanted to “get to bed.”

A week later, with the comforter still in the wash, I thought it was finally time to yank it out from its half soaked mildewed festering bath and drive it into our local laundromat. I just finished loading it and walked across the street to viva la Donalds which is where I find myself now.

Secret time.

Ever have a song that sings to your soul? I do. It’s “Clocks” by Cold Play. It’s playing right now on the overhead speakers at the McDonalds. I actually have a few more songs like this, but I don’t feel like divulging all of my personal intimate secrets from the booth of a McDonalds. 😛

Oh, and I thought of a new domain name I might want to register. Now I’m not going to list it here until after I buy it of course.

Now that I’ve gotten some of the diary purging out of the way I need to force myself into getting started on Day 2 of my NaNoWriMo cleanup. (another) Secret (Okay not really but humor me) The only way I can seemingly concentrate on getting any writing done is to have some sort of techno instrumental music pumping through my headphones or other less vocal melodies such as “Clocks” or “Enya.” I think that is why “Clocks” touches me in such a way (non-perverted touching). It touches my inner Muse. 🙂 (I don’t mind other kinds of touching but hey, what can you do with $20 bucks?)

My wife pointed out that shirt to me last night as she was browsing Amazon for X-mas t-shirts for me. Love her 🙂

Dee-dee-de-deee! (A lot of “D’s” in my title)

Draft 1 was 1,800 words.

Draft 2 came in at 5,800 words.

I stuffed a butt-load of characterization in there. I’m really kind of worried now about the overall length of the thing going forward if this kind of thing continues. Granted this is the first chapter and I feel as if the story needed this kind of personalization in order to get the reader interested in the characters. I could be wrong. Hard to say.

I am going to put this to the test however and pass out both drafts to a number of people and have them give me general reviews of the two of them. Which one had a tighter story, and which one had more interesting characters, and what lost you etc…

That is all….

-Da…(another D!)