I have kids.

I even have bonus kids. (Their dad is in jail and mom is working 50+ hours)

All of them range between the ages of 7 to 14.

I’m at home with them and it’s during a pandemic.

I don’t get much time to myself.

 

I like to reflect on my life and attempt to see things from other sides. I would like to think it is a version of wisdom with me trying to put myself in another person’s shoes. In this instance, the shoes are my own.

What the hell am I talking about?

As I’ve stated many MANY MANY times before, I enjoy being left the f-alone. There will be a time – if I don’t die first – when that could happen. A day where I can allow myself to delve deeper into my crazy thoughts and get more done that isn’t related to feeding/washing/cleaning up other people’s stuff. I had days like that before, back when I was a stupid kid. Only back then, I didn’t have the same mental focus (SQUIRRELLLLLLL!!!) that I do now and didn’t have the financial means either.

What I’m talking about is retirement. The age of being free to indulge in your basic whims (I love taking naps) and not having to worry about pissing *(on)off people.

*(on is referring to the later on years where I’m stuffed in some corner to in my own fluids – sounds exciting)

…

where was I???

I got interrupted by the boy child and had to go show him how to fix his own bike when the chain falls off. I’ve been intentionally trying to have him watch as I fix things so he can pick up on the tricks and integrate these things into his own arsenal. I’m trying to do that with all the kids as I’m a firm believer in a parent’s job is to ensure their children don’t need them.

Ahh… yes, I remember now.

 

If and when I reach that age where I get peace again. Oh, how I miss lazy summer days and how I would like to experience a good many years of that again. The day will come when the kids go off on their own. Will they need me? Yes, for a while. Eventually, they will learn to trust themselves and grow into their own version of maturity*.

*(2nd tangent… I was out with the older bonus child today and I said something to her after I leaned over with an open mouth and attempted to eat her brain out from the top of her skull. It was a soft bite and I got a giggle out of her so stop your bitching. Children are tasty, babies even more so, at least until they get to the stinky teenage pimply years. From that point onward, they become ‘sour’ to my attempts to eat them. I said, “You do know I’m weird, right?” She nodded. I then said, “The secret is everyone is weird. You, me, your mother, the lady behind the counter, everyone is a bit crazy. The trick in life is understanding the weirdness of the people you meet. The people that make it obvious, wear it on the outside” I hitched a thumb up to myself “are simple. What you see is what you get. The people that keep their weird all tucked away are the people you got to look out for.” I didn’t say, but I thought JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER THAT IS NOW IN JAIL THANKS TO HIS SECRET HURTFUL VERSION OF CRAZY. – alas another story for another day as the courts are still shut down due to the covid crazy.)

…

Where was I again?

 

Yes, kids and time.

I’m partially fearful of the day, should I age into it successfully, where my own kids+, don’t need me and also don’t want to be near me. We’ve all heard the line of “Enjoy your kids while they are young.” I’m starting to reflect more and more upon that.

My son, who still likes to sneak into our bed, loves watching The Goldbergs tv show while winding down before sleepytime. The little bugger still tries to pass out in my bed hoping I don’t go through the effort of waking him and having him go back to his own bed. In truth, I’m usually asleep before him. He ain’t that dumb 😉

On the show, the mother, played by Wendi McLendon-Covey, is a woman who is having a hard time letting her kids grow up. I feel for her but at the same time, I’m tired of cleaning up all these messes and having to do laundry all the time. I wish my own kids to have those long summer days where they can go wild and have fun but I just don’t want it to be at someone else’s expense. I want them to enjoy their youthful bodies while having somewhat more mature minds. Is this starting to sound weird? Like some inner perverted secret of mine is slipping out? I know how it’s starting to sound but in no way am I trying to be creepy about it. I would like to think I do my best to wear my weird on the outside.

 

*Just got another load of laundry started as the buzzer on the last load went off.

anywho…

 

 

Life is short. Enjoy the naps when they present themselves. I don’t want to get old and feeble but at the same time, I don’t want to spend eternity doing what I’m doing now. I have a house, I have physically healthy kids, I have a wife that I would like to believe loves me (at least she puts up with my version of weirdness).

Life is good.

It could be better (am I being greedy wanting more freedom?)

 

Life is actions and choices.

How do you live your life to the fullest but not wishing away the endless fun days for those you love without it costing you your own sanity?

 

Is life a system of scales? Is attempting to have more something that would tip the scales and thus cause all the rest to come crashing down?

 

 

I don’t know. My son didn’t know how to fix the chain back onto his bike. Will someone come along and show me the meaning of life and answer my questions?

I think not.

I think I am alone in my thoughts and will continue to be alone until that time comes.

 

 

EEK!

Kinda depressing.

 

I just farted and it felt good getting all that out… I mean- I mean both things. (I let my crazy waft in the breeze)

😉

Tootles all