Small dumb FrACTure from my mind…

Thursday has always been my favorite day of the week outside of it being the weekend.

Why? I was in daycare at a woman’s house and with my brother and her three kids, there were five of us. Each of us got a day of the week in which we got to pick snacks etc… Then Night Court happened. Yes, Night Court. For those of you that are not part of the cool kids club, I’ll fill you in. Night Court was a comedy on NBC that aired while I was in high school. I adored that show. It, along with Weird Al, and with a good number of tissue boxes, made me the man(+boy) I am today.

I know what you are thinking, “What a dream guy you must have been?”

My answer would be “yes, yes I was.” You see through my junior and senior years I dated the homecoming queen of the school. Now technically she was two grades under me but I’m not going to go over the technicalities as it has nothing to do with Thursdays.

Yes, Yes I tend to ramble on. It’s almost like I have ADD-SQUIRREL!

Did you see that? Little bugger scampering across the parking lot.

In case you haven’t picked up on it by now, today is Thursday. I try and do long walks when I get the time. I go 3.25 miles to a local Raleys supermarket and sit down in their cafe area with my little laptop and pontificate with myself. Uh… it’s not a tissue thing. Get your mind out of the gutter.

And here we go on yet another tangent. My daughter, who is 15, is getting unsolicited dick pics on her phone. I was picking her and her (hot*)friend up from school yesterday and she was sitting in the front seat laughing and joking with her friend about the picture quality and absurdness of it all.

*(That pig comment of dark humor now changes the gears of this babbling post yet again) OINK!

Sub-tangent time. So as I’ve stated before, I have 2+2 kids. Well, the reason we have the +2 is that these kids’ father ended up in jail and is still awaiting trial (Thanks COVID for mucking up the legal system) for *inappropriate behavior with multiple minors locally and across state lines. It’s a federal red tape nightmare. Their mother works full time and we’ve been friends with the family for years so the kids were already kinda adopted by us anyway. (One small sub-sub-tangent “Now you should understand more as to why I keep saying I never truly get any time to rest”).

So back to my daughter’s dick picks. I tell her to block the number as she never truly knows who is on the other end of the discussion. This is the type of behavior that could have somebody ending up in jail and ruining a young girl’s life. She says she wants to post one final picture back to the number before blocking them. It’s a variation on this image where she’s calling him some foul flesh demon and how she’s minor. I’ll admit it, it’s funny. The twistedness of it gives me a small diabolical warm glow of my own.

I HAVE A FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL THAT IS GETTING DICK PICS!?!?!?!?!

 

Uuuggghhhh…..

 

Breath Dave… breath…

 

So… there really was a squirrel darting across the Raleys parking lot. I know I’ve probably lost you somewhere along the way. I know, my mind is still reeling with the fact that

I HAVE A FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL THAT IS GETTING DICK PICS!?!?!?!?!

 

 

Trying to wrap this up… where was I…

Oh yes, I remember. I was a pervert in high school who was dating one of the hottest girls back then and only wished I had a cell phone to…

STOP IT DAVE!

BAD DAVE!

You have children. Bonus children even. Stop being a dic-STOP IT DAVE!

 

 

Btw I do send pictures to my own wife from time to time. Like these…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What? I think it’s funny.

And what do they teach you in work required sexual awareness training dave?

“It’s not what’s intended, it’s how the other person receives it.”

 

(Ggruummmbbbbblll…) BITE ME

 

My sense of humor, its a curse. I curse that found a kinship with the original version of Night Court back in the 80’s. Hey did I mention they are bringing the show back next year? And my daughter is in high school? Oh my dog*, is life circling back on itself?

Speaking of circling back around, I’m going to need to wrap this up and walk back those 3.25 to get home again.

 

Did I mention I like Thursdays? It’s the day where I get to pick the snacks or topics of my posts and where they diverge off into.

 

Oh… one more rant to get off my chest. Yesterday I, for whatever reason, decided to visit the kids’ bathroom to do my daily business. Sitting there on the back of the toilet bowl was a plate of chicken bones. We had chicken two weeks ago. This has been sitting there rotting this entire time. Did one of the kids eat it while on the can? Gross on so many levels. When I’m half-naked and vulnerable I don’t want to see some dried-up shriveled bone. Keep your bones to yourself. That is the last thing I want to RemembeREE seeing.

 

😛

Tootles all