Okay I am a weird squirrelperson, I get it.

I also get that there is no such thing as normal.

In reading other author posts I keep hearing about writers block and imposter syndrome and have for the most part avoided these kind of things… until now?

I have just finished my second draft of my story “Sup-Her.” The first draft was just (f)ugly chaos and doesn’t deserve to see the light of day until it liberally applies a good deal more lotion to itself. I have spent the last few months working on the second pass/draft and just finished a couple of days ago. I have been sharing out my first few chapters with others hoping to get some insight as to what they thought and if it held any kind of worthiness to it. The feedback I got was mixed. Some liked (which I immediately suspected as merely trying to placate me) and others not so much (which is what I dreaded hearing).

Let me also take a step back and say that some weeks ago I sent a four page synopsis to several people who had read the first few chapters and felt a bit lost as to what the story was about and where it was going. NEVER A GOOD SIGN. Three people have read this short 4 page bible and got back to me saying “it sucks.” Granted two of these people had also said they really liked the first few chapters and were interested in seeing where it was going which is why I wrote the four page synopsis in the first place. The third hasn’t said much one way or the other.

I need something.

I need to know am I spinning my wheels in the mud with my writing or do they see actual traction in my work. Know what I mean? I’m not a smert man but I do like to pretend I’m one in my own little nutty head (squirrel joke).

I need somebody of authority to kick me in the ass and give me, using the voice of Charlton Heston, that what I’m doing is worth something or is a complete waste of my time.

The truth of it is I already know my answer. I am going to keep doing what I’m doing because I enjoy writing. I just need to know if I’m spinning publically. I can handle sucking. I can handle rejections (I’m still going to try, that’s a given). I just want to know where I sit on the ladder of hope? Again, I’m still going to keep climbing. I just want to know if I’m at the bottom of the ladder, or just below halfway, or even somewhere above average. Again, I know I’m not great so any smoke blown my way isn’t going to seep up my ass.

I need to know the best gear to use to get me out of my mental mud because I’m going to keep trying.

Know what I mean?