When I was a youngster, around the age of five, I would flip my bicycle over so that its wheels pointed up towards the sky. I would then spin the pedal so the back wheel would engage and spin for no good reason. While this was going I would shout out “Ice cream. Ice cream. Read all about it.”

Nobody said I was a bright child.

Ever since I started writing I’ve been hesitant about sharing my works with the wife. I call it a defensive measure on my part. Why? Well in my life I have found that of those I’ve laid my trust with would then turn around and betray me with said knowledge. For instance, when I was young and would confide in my mother my mother would turn around and use whatever it was against me at a future time. My aunt did this as well. My first wife did this as well. Even my current wife, earlier in our relationship, had this habit.

For example… when I first got together with my current wife, the dating years, I would give an admission on my part….lets say the use of the word ‘Divorce’ affected me like nails on a chalkboard. Hey what can I say, I’m a gullible fool. So anyway as time went on and the honeymoon stage comes to an end, my new wife and I would get into a fight, she would turn around and stop dropping the use of this lethal ‘D’ word.

It turned into her go to word whenever she couldn’t mentally concoct an intelligent response. It was in a sense her specialized version of an F-bomb that affected only me. It took counseling, a good number of mental scabs forming and subsequent ripping off of said scabs, and a good amount of time until she finally learned to respect the ‘us’ enough not to go atomic at the drop of a hat.

Where am I going with this…?

Nobody said I was a bright person.

I remember now. Choosing to get butthurt over things. My mom recently contacted my wife over facebook messenger saying how I never took the time to contact her and basically don’t include her in any part of my life.

A few weeks ago I posted a phrase which was ‘It is a parents job to do the best they can and it is a child’s job to forgive them.’ I took that to heart and would like to think I try to live by that. At the same time, I would like to follow the mantra ‘Forgive is easy, forget never.’ Every time I go to visit my mother at her house she asks me if I would like some coffee. I am 45 years old and have never once drank a single cup of coffee. She has yet to pick up on something as personal as this. Every time I visit she learns new things about me such as ‘oh you don’t drink coffee?’ Mind you this isn’t the only thing she learns upon each time I visit but it’s kind of getting old for me. She has her own reality and there is nothing I can do to break through it. At this point, did I mention I was 45? And that I don’t like coffee? I tend to forget such little things, I’ve come to determine these things just aren’t worth my energy.

I have elected to no care enough to want to get butthurt over this kind of stuff…or at least I keep trying to tell myself this little lie 😛  (Memories can’t be ignored, only suppressed. Wow, I’m feeling a bit like my mother right now.)

I’m not sure what the focus of this was other than to say you have your reality and I have mine. If you believe yourself to be a unicorn who only tries to do the right thing while others only take advantage of you then I can’t stop that. Go ahead. I’m going to be this guy here…

Yes, that is the real me…fat and old… “READ ALL ABOUT IT!”