September 17 2019

Band Names ~ Talking to your kids

I’m old.

Thanks for stopping by.

Oh… your still here?

We’ll I guess I better elaborate a bit more on my initial topic sentence.

You see it all started when these neighborhood kids starting walking on my lawn. I got out of my rocker and waggled my cane at them yelling “Get off my lawn!”

Well one thing led to another and then the cops showed up. As the cops were ducking my head into the back of one of their paddy wagons (that’s old timer speak for you whipper snappers out there), I broke free and yelled at them and their dog, “I would have gotten away with too if it hadn’t been for you kids and your dog!”

Too much?

Too soon?

what was I talking about again?

why don’t you visit more? I get lonely here…


Hey kid, wanna pull my finger?

So…. the kids and I are getting into the car (2006 subaru Baja baby!) and a song comes on the radio. My son(9) says, “This must be your favorite song.” I say, “No, what makes you think that?” He says, “Its always on.” I pause momentarily to process that statement. The song was playing on the radio and I then explain that to him and say I have no control over what they play. My daughter then asks, “What is your favorite song?” I process that and one of the first things to come to mind is the song ‘Blue Monday’ by New Order.” (This song is 30+ years ago). “But… the Orgy remix of it is also one of my favorites.” (holy noodle lovers that song is 20+ years ago).

They didn’t say anything and we’re at a red light so I picked up my phone and spoke to google and had the youtube video of the orgy version start playing so they could hear it.

The light turned green and we puttered off as the song continued and I began thinking to myself ‘Do the kids even know what an orgy is?’

That wasn’t something I wanted to explore at that moment but it didn’t stop my mind from going on yet another tangent of… ‘what is the worst band name i’ve ever heard of?’ I would have to say it’s Butthole Surfers. Then my mind decided to double down and come up with my own twisted band name and came up with Nipples Shavings.

Yep, breaking news, here and now. The name of my never-ventual band will be Nipple Shavings.

Your welcome world!

I think Pull My Finger was already taken

Tootles ya Noodles

August 19 2019

Old phrase of Dwights, she’s still a douche

So just last week I was attending a Union training meeting and ran into a prior Dwight victim from my old place of employment. We started talking war stories and I mentioned Dwight had once used the phrase “I’ve been called worse by better people.”

I’m going to spend some time dissecting that statement.

The statement essentially means that means somebody you hold in high esteem, has an even worse opinion of you than the person addressing you.

That’s like…

Me: Dwight, you are a disturbed person and not a good fit for this unit. You should to step aside and stop being the manager.

Dwight: Yeah… well… I’m so bad at my job that my own parents think I need to quit and check myself into a mental institution. So take that!

Uh… yeah…

Insult me by saying you’ve been insulted far worse than what I’ve done.




August 10 2019

The Kids are almost back in School = :)

It’s sad. I’ve become the enemy. The person that wishes my kids were back in school. Back in the day I mentally swore to myself I wouldn’t think this way but… years… decades later… here I am.

Did we do all we could do over the summer? No. I would have like to have done more but finances and timing never seemed to align. Such is life.

The good thing, at least for me, is that with the kids heading back, I’ll be able to focus on my things more. Without looking at the date, its swear I haven’t done a blog post in well over a month. Am I feeling a little Dwight deprived? No, but it is fun to poke fun at the troll. I guess you could say I’m a troll’s troll.

(Sexy Troll voice: “Hey baby, is that a headless decayed rat in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”)




Okay, I guess that’s it for now.


Oh, I got in 2,500 words yesterday in my Jessica story. That puts me well over 60k overall.


July 5 2019

Still alive…

Howdy folks,

Life has been busy.

With the kids out of school, I’m finding much of my free time is being sucked up by one stupid thing after another. And on top of that… those afternoon naps just don’t take themselves.



I did a word count on my latest story ‘Starfall’ and found I’m somewhere past 50k words. My gut tells me I’m about half-done overall. So I guess that’s a good thing?


Right now I’m feeling somewhat motivated on getting some words in but I know that as soon as I do ‘get in the zone’ that I’m going to be interrupted seventeen times about stupid things like “I’m on the toilet and we are out of toilet paper”. Yeah? Have fun waddling your naked ass with your pants around your ankles and getting a replacement six-pack from the garage.  All humor aside, it still pulls a person out of the zone. In just writing this simple page post I’ve been interrupted twice.



June 3 2019

The other stuff and the metaphor that got away.


So on this last payday, I bought myself a gift. I bought myself a course on MasterClass by Neil Gaiman. I’m only in chapter 4 of the class but he used a metaphor about how writers need to ‘just get it out’ and how so much of their early stuff is going to be regarded as sub-par stuff. A writer needs to keep whittling away in order to get at the core of their inner voice and one can only do that by pushing through the inferior stuff.

As he’s saying this my mind is going its own direction. I’m thinking of how when you first turn on the shower how you don’t instantly have hot water and how you have to let all the cold water flush through on your way to the good stuff. Yeah, I know that in this day and age that some people have instant water through tankless devices, well… bite me.

So what else can I say so it doesn’t ‘get away’?

My wife went out and bought me a 75 inch TV for the living room. The kids and her surprised me with an early fathers day gift. I was pleasantly delighted.

I’ve still been plugging away at my latest novel ‘Starfall’*(beta title) when I can find the time. I’m pretty sure I passed the 25k total some time ago but don’t want to go back and count all them miskelled words just yet.

Tangent: I just surfed for something online and saw a picture of Val Kilmer. (sad face)

Uh… I guess that’s it for now.


Tootles to anyone who is dumb enough to read these pencil shavings.