June 3 2019

The other stuff and the metaphor that got away.


So on this last payday, I bought myself a gift. I bought myself a course on MasterClass by Neil Gaiman. I’m only in chapter 4 of the class but he used a metaphor about how writers need to ‘just get it out’ and how so much of their early stuff is going to be regarded as sub-par stuff. A writer needs to keep whittling away in order to get at the core of their inner voice and one can only do that by pushing through the inferior stuff.

As he’s saying this my mind is going its own direction. I’m thinking of how when you first turn on the shower how you don’t instantly have hot water and how you have to let all the cold water flush through on your way to the good stuff. Yeah, I know that in this day and age that some people have instant water through tankless devices, well… bite me.

So what else can I say so it doesn’t ‘get away’?

My wife went out and bought me a 75 inch TV for the living room. The kids and her surprised me with an early fathers day gift. I was pleasantly delighted.

I’ve still been plugging away at my latest novel ‘Starfall’*(beta title) when I can find the time. I’m pretty sure I passed the 25k total some time ago but don’t want to go back and count all them miskelled words just yet.

Tangent: I just surfed for something online and saw a picture of Val Kilmer. (sad face)

Uh… I guess that’s it for now.


Tootles to anyone who is dumb enough to read these pencil shavings.


May 8 2019


I’m visiting my grandmother today. She recently turned 92. She is also in the hospital right now. The stubborn woman is recuperating from a bout of pneumonia.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, her time is limited. Not that she is going to die tomorrow, in truth we all could, but in that her general vitality has been diminishing over these past few decades and its never a pleasant thing to see. My grandfather, her husband, was 80 when he passed on. He had been moving cords of wood in his backyard and paused to sit down to catch his breath. He then tumbled over and was gone within a few heartbeats.

The man knew how to go.

Watching my grandmother decline is but a cruel reminder that life is precious and that everything can be taken away just like that. Like when you sit down to catch your breath and find out it’s your last.

1 year and two days ago my mother-in-law passed away. She had been fighting Parkinson’s for close to twenty years and her passing was intense. Her death throws began around midnight and lasted up until the sun rose the next day. I wasn’t there as I was tending to our kids but my wife was, and the best way to describe it would be haunting.

Getting robbed of your life, minute by minute or breath by breath, sounds cruel yet we all endure through it.

I enjoy ‘living’ but at what point does your existence transfer from that to merely ‘existing’?

What control do you really have?


Getting in the car and driving to see her is a gamble in of itself. Just eating or even defecating is a gamble.

I love my wife and kids and want to enjoy each and every day with them even though they drive me crazy.



April 29 2019

Opinions on End Game (Brief Beef Spoilers)

Why hello again my fellow nerds,

(does anyone actually read this blog or is this all for naught? I believe that depends on what my definition of ‘naught’ is? Is it for publicity or is it just as a medium for my inner demonic Dwight voices? I think we already know that answer.)


So I had three minor BEEFS with End Game and all of them take place within the last 10-15 minutes of the film. They were basically annoyances at some of the plot points, characters and motivations and (yes another ‘and’, bad grammar dave) political correctness. They are all kind of mixed together.

  1. Peter/Potts
  2. Girl Power
  3. Football

If you’ve seen the movie then you might have some idea as to what I’m hinting at. If you haven’t seen it then I’m hoping I don’t ruin it for you. I will discuss more at a future time once the general public has had a chance to watch the movie. With the movie opening to a $1.2 billion take, I imagine that won’t be long.


Tootles for now as I need to pack up and head into work, (*insert state job joke here*) not that I will be working that much.




April 28 2019

Star Wars Vs End Game

Star Wars episode IV, a new hope, was exactly that, a movie that reached out to me, nay millions, nay billions of people and gave them something to believe in.

When Star Wars episode IX dropped last week, it too gave me a little bit of ‘new hope’ that it would be something entertaining. Only that was it, just entertaining. It didn’t warm the core of my being that good could somehow fight back against the dwightness in existence.

End Game/Infinity War is now what Star Wars was to my childlike self back in the day.

Star Wars didn’t have a climactic 22 arc which built it up to a grand finale. No, it came out of nowhere and blew our minds away. It was glorious. It was… a new hope.

Tonight I going to go and watch End Game… I’m so giddy right now. The man child in me is so doing his best not to wet himself  😛

That is what Star Wars no longer does for me. Yes, I’m pretty sure the superhero hype will die down at some point but the hype has been going over a span of 22 movies over the last 10 years. Can Star Wars make that same claim? No, it has been 10 movies over the last 4o years. The fire hasn’t died out but it has diminished.


April 26 2019

End (of file) Game

Why do I even try?

Why do I even bother my mischievous brother?

Am I just a failure or are you lying to me?

Am I fooling myself with a boy scout heart into thinking it’s going to work?


I try…

… and fail


Then I try again…

… and fail again.


Maybe I’m just lacking vision as all I’m seeing is black and my mind feels like it’s full of webs.




You would think that by simply copying the instructions listed online that any idiot would be able to figure out the terminal command to “locate” the flucking file and have the results piped into a text pad.


Yes, I’m frustrated.


You would think that with names of trillions upon trillions of individuals being snuffed out of existence, that trying to save their names to a record file would be easy.

(Mocking my big bald headed instructor): “Just watch me and follow along.”

Yeah well just because were named that doesn’t mean we actually get it.


I swear I just need to go purchase a stanlee hammer and go to town on my computer office space printer style.



I’m angry.

(I would advise you to stay clear as you probably wouldn’t like me that much right now)







No, I haven’t seen the movie yet.



Damn flucking file…


April 21 2019

The Mountain of Forever

So last night, after getting off of work, I went for a walk around the neighborhood with my son. We do this occasionally and started the habit out of getting him to learn his spelling words. You see, the boy is part spasmoid and part hyperactive little shit. He just can’t stay focused so we(I) walk with him as a physical outlet while he recites his words. Well, this week is spring break and so we didn’t have any words to go over. He is something of a talker and so he usually keeps my ears pretty warm. Last night he asked me, “What was the one thing that I created and had lost by having somebody destroy it and now miss” or something to that effect.

The first thing that came to mind didn’t quite fit his criteria but I ran with it anyway. It was mount muscle. I explained that when I was a teenager, my (“baby”)brother and I had created a large sand ‘mountain’ on one of the beaches of Hawaii. Its size was fisherman exaggerated (as all good stories are) and how it was as tall as he was. The year was somewhere around 1990 and the SNL characters of ‘Hans-n-Frans’ was trending. We created it over the span of several hours while using our best imitation of germanic body builder voices and declared it as ‘Pump-tacular’. Yeah, I(we) were juvenile as what else would you expect?

Well, our time came to an end and the tides came back in. Our once great monument went from Fab to Flab as it was washed away.

Wakanda Mount-Muscle Forever!

April 19 2019

Game of Leaks & Playing Whack a Stark(??)


The season 8 premiere of Game of Thrones was last Sunday night. Was it worth the wait? With only episode 1 having been released its a bit too early to make any true assessments. The first episode, in my opinion, was used to reestablish the characters and plots with the viewers since it was two years ago that season 7 was released.

I will say I am looking forward to the remaining five episodes and seeing who survives GRRMreaper.

(only 5??? boo-hoo *wwaaaa!!!!!)


So, what else?

My kids have been off of school this past week thanks to spring break and my productivity has dropped to being almost non-existent. My mother and her boyfriend had also come to visit which only further limited my productivity.


Oh… I bought myself a new *GAMER* laptop the other day and am anxiously awaiting its shipping arrival. I paid $800 (+$66 taxes) for it so its not a powerhouse by any means but the thing does list some impressive stats.

Dell G5587-5542BLK-PUS Laptop 15.6″ FHD, Intel i5-8300H, 16GB RAM, GTX 1060, 256GB SSD+1TB HDD


I’m going to finally be able to play some of the games I’ve been missing out on since starting a family. You see way back in the late 90’s to mid 00’s I used to participate in local LAN leagues. I even purchased my own domain for it and was considering expanding it into a part-time business. The thing is I also saw the writing on the walls and knew that LAN centers were whimsical and so never pulled the trigger on going big with it.

Doesn’t mean I didn’t have fun though 🙂

My daughter was born in 2006 and from that point forward my gaming time has been somewhat stunted.


One of the other reasons I’m anxious about getting my new laptop is finally being able to consolidate my various drafts/versions of stories down as they exist on a plethora of various media devices. With the large drive on the unit, I can start consolidating my various files together.


What else…


We’re getting a new roof for our house. Our house was built in 1989 and has stone tiles. Yes, stone tiles are supposed to last a lifetime* and it’s now thirty years later. By liftime, the industry states that as about 50 years. So our roof is on the geriatric side of its existence and when it was installed the contractors went cheap in a number of areas and time has taken its toll. Translation, its time to throw out the baby with the bathwater… er… wait. That’s not what I meant but then again… f-it. We are just going to get a new roof and be done with it. We are tired of playing wack-a-starkmole with all the leaks that keep appearing.


Okay, that’s it for now. I need to actually get back to pretending I’m working since I’m at work today.

*full disclosure: I started this blog post prior to work but only got halfway through it.