Today I filled out three applications to various state agencies, Caltrans, Department of General Services, and the Department of Conversation. I must admit that I have been a bit negligent these past few weeks in filling out other job applications. I kind of blame myself for getting my hopes up for one position in particular (which obviously didn’t go my way). I’ve also been distracted with darth bitch (my supervisor) and doing my best to not draw her wrath.

I’ve also been in something of a bah-humbug mood these past few weeks. It’s not a winter blues thing so much as a feeling as if I’m just spinning my wheels and not getting any sort of traction on anything…so why bother? Know what I mean. I know you can’t win at everything and life is partially built upon how you handle failure. I get it, I really do. It’s just… I feel squished. I have no time for anything I want to do and if I can’t find something to be myself about then I start to lose myself… to the monotony…. know what I mean?

I know I have two young kids, thankfully they aren’t small anymore (I am not wishing my life away/fast forward as I know it slips through ones hands before you can even blink) but that they still can’t even wipe their own butts (at least my six year old). This SHIT kinda gets old if you know what I’m PUNtificating?

Anyway…

This last weekend we got to go to Lake Tahoe on a mini getaway and spent some time with the family. It was nice but it was also short. I never felt I got to relax with having to deal with my rats and their issues the whole time.

I did manage to sneak out on Saturday morning and got an hour and a half to myself to go over a story for somebody I recently met online. I edited her story and pointed out where she was leaving things open nebulous or weak. I didn’t do any real writing of my own because of it. I don’t know if she is reading this or not but I got the impression that English wasn’t her native tongue. That made it hard as I didn’t want to nitpick everything to death.

So last night, as part of my Tuesday after work writing group, I tried going online to try and find some beta reader/swappers. I think that is what I need most of all. I need somebody to point out what isn’t making sense plot wise. I’ve tried with a number of people (but with all of them so far) there has always been some sort of mismatch. I’m just not interested in reading your homosexual werewolf romance. I know you want to write but you can’t have logic gaps by having the lead character McGuffin themselves out of every situation. I mean its like they travel across a content walking the entire way only to find out in the last scene that they have had the ability to fly and only chose to walk from the start. Really? Who the Eff does that in real life? Characters/People are real and in being real they are also lazy. You can’t have inconsistencies like this and expect your story to be taken seriously.

Anyway… (#2)

Hey I just checked my email and I got some email about a hot Russian girl who wants to send me naked pictures. It’s almost like somebody is trying to give me a present today. I gotta go and click me up some viruses on my work computer 😉