The bead of sweat trickles down my back and finds its way into the crack of my ass.

It is a hot day but even as I stand here in the shade it feels somewhat comfortable had I not just walked a mile from work to the train station.

Of course it was late.

What else is new?

I came close to getting some sex this past weekend. Our little C.B., which publically stands for cuddle buddy, snuck into our bed both Friday and Saturday night after we had fallen asleep. In private it stands for cock blocker but that’s something I won’t share with him until he is much older. Nothing kills a mood faster after waking up with and reaching over to have your hand find the butt of your six-year-old son.

Anyway…

Right now my mind is awash in thoughts, too many thoughts, and far too much emit. Now you might be asking yourself what emit is? Well, it’s the opposite of time. Yeah, I’m not that original when it comes to naming things. When I write stories often the first names I come up with for characters it’s typically stupid like ‘Evaldude’. The antagonist in my Sup-Her story has the name Tyorus. Which is in effect the company ToysRus jumbled up. I wanted to name him after the twisted mind as I envision him. As of me writing this, I can’t say what his name might have changed to but I’m sure has become something different.

I’m in a Starbucks, air-conditioned thankfully, and sipping on a strawberry refresher. $4.45 never seemed like such a deal. It is definitely what I would call tasty. I called my wife a few minutes ago and she is now on her way to pick me up. Guess I can reward her by keeping my hands to myself again tonight. I’m not a subtle guy and so I want to make sure I’m giving the impression that she isn’t into sex as much as I am. Oh and on top of all this, I happen to have a cold as well.

You see when our little CB joins us he often sleeps onto of the covers, which I tend to throw off when I’m trying to fall asleep. Over the course of the night, as the temperature starts to drop, thanks to the windows being open, I reach over and pull them back over myself. Well our little buddy sleeps right on top of them which makes this little act of gymnastics rather difficult.

Add in sleep deprivation, which is the norm most nights as the kids don’t ever go to sleep on time, and you get yourself a nice little no win situation. Hello Mr. Cold.

The man sitting at the next table over from me is talking to himself. I doing my best to nod my head to the latest Lindsey Sterling album playing through my Bluetooth headset. Yeah introvert ignorance and not having to interact with him.

Am I a selfish human being.

Or am I considerate enough not to force myself onto others?

A bit of both seems about right.

Yesterday I made the trip to go see my grandmother who is just a few months of turning 90. It has been far longer than I would have liked since I last visited her. Sadly, it’s been years. You see my son, who just turned six, still has bathroom issues. I have been reluctant to do longer car rides because he keeps soiling this way and that. He is, for lack of a better term, a real pill.

Yes, I know that is an excuse. It’s also the truth. He is also wicked smart when it comes to things. I have some repressed hope that the little fucker ends up being some sort of Einstein and does something awesome with his intelligence. Either that or I’m just deluding myself into thinking all this is somehow worth it.

A bit of both seems to fit.

So in talking with my grandmother, because it had been so long, I could see the deterioration of time has had upon her.

Time out for a moment as I have to give some more backstory about who and what she is. So on Sunday I called her up and discussed showing up around noon to take her out to lunch. In the entire conversation I would say, from both of our mouths, that a total of 300 words in all. It wasn’t that long of a conversation. In the end, I think the words ‘lunch’, ‘noon’, ‘take you out’, and ‘see you around noon’ came up at least twice each. Well after getting off the phone with her I called up my own father, her son, and informed him of my plans.

The next morning, I get a text from my dad saying she has no clue to when I’m going to show up or even if I was.

Come Monday afternoon, as we’re all sitting around chatting, my dad, who decided to show up, gets a text from his cousin. He reads it aloud and tells everyone that my aunt/cousin (I get these things confused) is inquiring about my visit. The only people that knew about this trip was my father, my grandmother, and myself. The fact that my aunt/cousin also knew told me that grandma was busy dishing the gossip. This from the lady that has no clue to when I’m even showing up or even if I’d show up at all. It is drama for drama’s sake. She is like this.

She has always been like this but only now, after being away for some time, do I truly see it for what it is.

Man maturity sucks. She’s getting worse and as I’m getting older I’m seeing the truth more and more for what it is. I find myself missing the ignorance of youth more and more. Yes, I’m a forty-five-year-old man but even I want to cling to some innocence. You know, like kind of wishing my wife had more of a drive. Or that my kids knew how to not shit themselves so much.

And yes, on the way home yesterday my son shit himself in the car again. We got to smell that Mmmm tasty treat all the way home.